[TLDR: We all want to care for the people we love – but when drugs enter the picture, things get complicated. Loving someone who abuses drugs, or supporting a friend in that situation, can blur into enabling. From emotional strain to legal risks, their choices can affect both them and us. That’s why honest boundaries, checking in with friends or professionals, and standing firm against habits that can cause harm matter. Supporting someone doesn’t mean excusing drug abuse, it means caring in a way that protects everyone involved.]
In our latest episode with SGAG, we hit the streets of Singapore to ask: “Would you date someone who abuses drugs?” The answers were a mix of firm “no”s and thoughtful “it depends”s. Some drew a clear line and said no, pointing to personal boundaries. Others hesitated, saying things like, “It depends on their personality,” or “I would, but it could come to a point where I wouldn’t if there are repetitive bad habits”.
The mix of answers says a lot. It shows how complicated relationships alongside the decisions around drugs can be. Love, loyalty, and concern often collide with our personal values and limits. It also reveals what we all, at the back of our minds know – that it’s tough getting a person off drugs once addicted.
Why Boundaries Can Be Hard to Draw
We live in a generation that values empathy and inclusivity. We want to understand, not judge. We try to see the good in people and give them second chances. But sometimes, that very empathy makes it harder to say no even when we know we should. We might tell ourselves, “They just see things differently,” or “I can help them change.”
Some of us may also hold on to the “love can save” belief — thinking that if we care enough, we can pull someone out of bad habits. But love, on its own, isn’t always enough. Without boundaries, what starts as care can slowly turn into covering up, excusing, or enabling harmful behaviour.
And it’s not just personal feelings that make things complicated. The world around us shapes how we think too. With global media portraying certain drug abuse as casual or “normal”, it’s easy to internalise more liberal views and start seeing drug abuse as “not that bad”.
But here in Singapore, we have supported clear laws for a reason – to protect lives and communities. Recognising these influences helps us make grounded choices that keep both compassion and safety in balance.
The Ripple Effect: When One Person’s Choices Affect Many
Drug abuse doesn’t only affect the person taking drugs – it ripples through partners, friends, and even families. We might notice shifts in routines, school or work performance, or mood. Emotional stress can build up, and sometimes there’s pressure to participate or cover up risky behaviour.
If a friend is dating someone who abuses drugs, checking in can make a real difference. Even a simple “Hey, are you okay?” can open the door for an honest talk that’s desperately needed, or the nudge to seek help. Supporting someone doesn’t mean solving their problems alone. It means being present, listening, and helping them connect to the right resources. Whether it’s about us personally or someone we care about, knowing when to help and when to step back matters.
Safe Boundaries vs. Risky Blind Spots
It’s natural to want to help the people we love but there’s a difference between supporting safely and enabling harm. Safe boundaries mean encouraging a friend or ourselves to seek professional help, checking our own limits, and recognising when someone’s choices could put others at risk.
Risky blind spots happen when we excuse or cover up dangerous behaviour, feel pressured to join, or ignore our instincts because of loyalty or empathy. In those moments, we’re accepting harm or disregarding personal and social boundaries in the name of care.
Setting boundaries and standing by them isn’t always easy, but it’s essential. Boundaries help us protect ourselves and allow us to care in a way that is responsible and sustainable.
How We Can Help a Friend or Ourselves Safely
When we or someone we care about is in this situation, we can still act responsibly without putting ourselves in harm’s way. Checking in regularly, asking open questions, and noticing changes in behaviour or mood can help us respond with empathy and awareness.
If things seem serious, it’s important to know our limits and encourage professional support. Because supporting someone doesn’t mean carrying all their weight. It’s okay to reach out for help, from friends, counsellors or community organisations, for example:
- National Addictions Management Service (NAMS) at the Institute of Mental Health offers inpatient detox, outpatient care, and family programmes that help individuals and loved ones work through recovery together.
- The Singapore Anti-Narcotics Association (SANA) supports persons-in-recovery and their families through aftercare and reintegration services — including case management and Step-Up Centres that help rebuild routines and social connections after rehabilitation or release from programmes with the Central Narcotics Bureau (CNB) or Singapore Prison Service.
- WE CARE Community Services provides counselling, recovery support, and workshops for both individuals and families navigating addiction and its ripple effects.
Reflection Time
It’s a privilege if we’ve never had to deal with the effects of drugs in our lives. But one day, we might find ourselves in a situation where it hits closer to home – dating someone who abuses drugs, or supporting a friend who’s struggling. Would we “shoot our shot,” or would we know where to draw the line?
Love and care are important, just as protecting ourselves and others is a priority. Reaching out when we’re unsure and supporting friends responsibly are ways we can show love without putting others at risk.